Preface

I often used to watch movies and be happy about the heroes and heroines hating each other initially, then falling in love, and fighting from the vilians for their love and winning the battle at last. Little did I knew that most often than not, the person you love; hardly you get the love of the same person back to you.


We all have some or the other time regretted that had I accepted the love of that odd person, life would have been diferent. But the point remains how often we end up realizing the right person's love at the right time.


20 years back, when I was not knowing about the word love even leave apart its meaning, I fell in love for the first time. Since then this most beautiful feeling in the world has struck me several times, and each time I felt myself portraying the character of Raj Kapur in Mera Naam Joker.


I saw this movie first time when I was eight years old, and found it just an okay movie; even a bit lengthy. Saw the movie again when I was 16, and was able to connect with the mentality of a teenager who wants to live his own dreams. Then came age 22, when I watched it for the third time and realized the maturity of Raj Kapur's thoughts and the underlying pain which he went through which was portayed in the movie artistically.


Its only then whenI decided to pay a tribute to this eternal movie through my own novel, and my endless journey thus begun with a new meaning thereafter.


This book not only discloses the inner layers of human emotions, but also exposes those several smaller moments when our soft feelings get crushed unknowingly; but such moments remain unsaid, unexposed because the moments are very small. Remember only such moments or incidents are small, not their impact or outcome.


I remember one such incident. Once an old friend of mine* called me up after a very long time saying that its a long gap and she would like to have dinner with me at some XYZ restaurant. Hearing this, the whole day I was busy planning about the restaurant where we would go. I quickly finished my day's work and left home a bit early. Since I was meeting her after a long time, while returning I bought a gift which I knew she liked the most. After coming back home, the next hour was completely dedicated to plan for the dress I would be wearing. I was all set to leave, when I got a call from her that she is going somewhere else and we will meet up some other time. Now remember the incident from her point of view is very small, but the impact?? Well, only you all can decide.


This book is not just a book for me. For me, its an effort to re-unite the thing called "Love".

An except

"Forgive me now, please Rahul. Come on, don’t be a kid now”

Hari was watching all this from the sidelines, feeling proud of the way Rahul was handling himself. He always wanted him to have such self respect, and he was glad that he was showing it then. Little did he know that Rahul’s heart was shouting inside him, pleading him to forgive her. Come on, forgive her. Look at her innocence. Dhe is speaking the truth. She cares for you; his heart pleaded with him.

‘Please, please, please…..”, Shreya continued, asking for forgiveness.

Not able to take it any longer, he pushed back his chair, got up and ran towards the washroom.
His abrupt and violent gesture worried Shreya. She glanced towards Hari for guidance. Hari closed both his eyes momentarily, tilting his head, as a signal that she shouldn’t worry about him.
Leaning over the wash basin, Rahul opened the tap in full flow and began washing his eyes.
He was not feeling sleepy, and neither were his eyes aching; his heart was. He tried to conceal from himself the water that poured down from his eyes with the water that went into his eyes. He wanted to tell her how much he had missed her the entire night and ho eagerly he wanted to forgive her from the frist moment that she said sorry.

After spending a good ten minutes in the washroom, he came out looking fresh. He gave Hari a quick wink and started laughing uncontrollably. Hari joined him in his laughing and they exchanged high fives.

“What happened?” You guys are crazy or what?” Shreya said, perplexed at the sudden change in Rahul’s behavior.

“You thought I was really serious about all that, right? Rahul said, in a mocking tone, laughing all the while.

“You mean you were playing a prank on me?”
“You bet”
“I would kill you both. You know how scared I was when you abruptly got up and went to the washroom?”

“Hahaha….heheheh”, they continued laughing in unison.

She failed to pick up the grief behind that laughter. And that’s what Rahul wanted. That was the only way he could have made things come back to normal after accidentally letting her know his feelings. His impromptu plan worked perfectly.

Love Was Never Mine...

"It is said that if you want something whole heartedly, the universe conspires to bring it to you."

Rahul, a fresh graduate with simple dreams and an uncluttered outlook towards life, falls in love with a confident, sassy, helpful, sweet yet materialistic girl, Shreya, who shares the workspace with him in office. For Shreya, looks are a priority and everything else comes later. For Rahul, looks are secondary, what matters is the soul of a person.

With his boy-next-door looks, he does not stand a chance with Shreya and he knows that. But he is still confident he would be able to win her love, because he firmly believes in himself and the universe. This book follows Rahul’s sacrificial and emotional voyage to win Shreya’s love, the smaller moments of happiness and the painful moments of betrayal.

Sometimes, the universe may not pay heed to your desires, sometimes, it just may."